Teaching My Kids About Intimacy

 

  • Why It Matters Now More Than Ever


    • As a young woman preparing for the future and to become a mother someday, I’ve thought a lot about what kind of parent I want to be. One topic that’s been on my mind lately is how I’ll teach my kids about healthy sexuality and intimacy. I am not talking just about the biology or the “do’s and don’ts,” but about the why, and the deeper spiritual meaning behind it all.

    I recently watched a video where two parents and teachers discussed how vital it is for children to learn about intimacy from their parents, not from the internet, media, or their peers. It really struck a chord with me. One of the speakers pointed out that teaching about intimacy is a value-based teaching, just like honesty, kindness, or hard work. Growing up, I saw a lot of mixed messages around sex, especially on social media. Now, thinking about raising kids of my own, I realize that if I don’t speak up and teach them the truth, the world will fill in the gaps with toxic and confusing messages that go completely against what I believe. One very important teaching from the video was when the man said not only do we just need to have those conversations, but we need to have the relationships to have those conversations. 

    Kids today are exposed to ideas about intimacy and relationships at such a young age, whether we like it or not. Waiting until they’re teenagers to have “the talk” just doesn’t cut it anymore. 
    For younger children, comprehensive sexuality education (CSE) isn't about teaching them explicitly about sex, but rather helping them understand their bodies, emotions, and relationships in age-appropriate ways. It introduces topics like family structures, basic consent, recognizing safe versus unsafe situations, and how to handle bullying or abuse. These early lessons lay the groundwork for respectful, healthy relationships as they grow (World Health Organization, n.d.).

    I want my husband and I to be the ones guiding them, helping them see the beauty and sacredness of intimacy in the right context, not leaving them to figure it out from TikTok or some random Google search. Some people might say this is too much for kids to handle, or that talking about sex so openly will make them curious in the wrong ways. But I think that silence leaves too much room for shame and confusion. The home is the safest and most sacred place to learn the truth. And that’s what I want to create a home where my children can ask real questions and get real, gospel-centered answers.

    Elder Jeffrey R. Holland gave a powerful talk that changed how I view intimacy forever. He taught that sexual intimacy involves our very souls (Holland, 1988). That means when we engage in it, we’re not just using our bodies, we’re involving our emotions, our spirits, and our eternal identity. That helped me understand why intimacy outside of marriage isn’t just “breaking a rule.” It’s harming something eternal and sacred. I want my kids to know that their bodies and souls are connected, and both are incredibly valuable and worth protecting. Elder Holland also said that intimacy is a symbol of total unity and not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. It’s meant to represent the kind of full commitment that exists in a covenant marriage (Holland, 1988). That made me think about how damaging it can be when this symbol is used casually. It’s not just about guilt or shame, it’s about taking something meaningful and sacred and treating it like it’s nothing. I want my kids to grow up understanding that sex isn’t just “something people do” but it’s something that means something. Something beautiful, powerful, and God-given. Intimacy isn’t just a duty or even just a blessing, it’s a sacred act that can deepen our connection with our eternal companion. That’s what I want to teach my kids, not just to avoid certain behaviors, but to understand the sacred why behind them.



    I know I won’t be a perfect parent, but I want to be brave enough to have these conversations early and often. I want to teach them layer by layer, in age-appropriate ways, starting when they’re young. I’ll teach them that their bodies are sacred, that intimacy is a gift from God, and that waiting for the right time and context, within a loving, committed, eternal marriage, is not just wise, but joyful. We live in a world that tries to cheapen or distort everything sacred. I believe one of the best ways I can fight back as a mom is to teach my children boldly and plainly about the beauty and purpose of intimacy. I want them to walk through life knowing they are not alone, and that they are armed with truth, not shame, not fear, but truth rooted in love, in the gospel, and in who they really are as sons and daughters of God.


            Holland, J. R. (1988, January 12). Of Souls, Symbols, Sacraments. The Church of Jesus Christ of                 Latter-day Saints. https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/jeffrey-r-holland/souls-symbols-sacraments/

            World Health Organization. (n.d.). Comprehensive sexuality education.



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